January 30, 2005
The Perils of Ikea
(c) Ikea inc
This is the story of young man out on a quest, the perils of that quest and the ultimate end of that quest.
I set out yesterday on an errand to replace my current coffee table, in my mind this was a simple task, but I had no idea of the perils that lay ahead. I drove down to a local furniture store, Ikea, which specializes in cheap but stylish furniture. I figured it would take me about 15 minutes to accomplish my mission, get in, get a table, get out. Boy was I wrong!
My first problem when I arrived is that I found out Ikea had moved. They used to be in the mall, but as I was in the parking lot looking at where Ikea had been I noticed a large stadium sized building about a quarter mile away with parking garage directly adjacent to it, and say a big blue sign with yellow words which spelled out I-K-E-A. I figured my best bet would be to head in that direction.
As I pulled into the parking garage and found a space along with the thousands of other customers out that beautiful Saturday, I took comfort in the sheer number of people shopping at this store, This many people can’t be wrong right? I entered the building through an elevator in the parking garage, and quickly found myself mingling with the masses looking for the living room section. Now for those of you who aren’t familiar with Ikea there are not many sales associates, I guess they figure you, the customer, have good taste (or odd taste in some cases) and the merchandise will pretty much sell itself. They do have sales associates at strategic locations in order to guide you to the next area of your shopping pleasure, mediate in differences in husband and wife’s tastes make sure children do not jump on the coffee tables.
As I came upon the coffee tables about 15 minutes had passed, I figured this was ok since I would make time up on the drive home, I gazed upon the 500 coffee tables on display in different shapes, styles and materials, I chose with the help of my mother a coffee table, a metal and glass coffee table, in a very minimalist style, I sought my mothers advice because I’m trying to think ahead, what if I get married someday and my future wife doesn’t like the fact that all of my furniture doesn’t really match!? My mother assured me that once I get married my wife will replace all of my furniture anyway so get what I like at the moment, so that’s exactly what I did.
Mission accomplished right? Well the first two parts, get in, get the table, now for the last objective, get out. I had a map, there were signs everywhere and I was fairly confident at my ability to follow signs. Little did I know they put these signs in strategic locations in order to confuse you the customer! They also do not tell you that a sign that says “Register” may just mean that the register is in that general direction, but could possibly 3 miles away on a different floor! I walked with purpose towards what I believed was the register, but ended up getting lost several times, constantly coming out right at the elevator were my adventure had begun. Each time I came back to the elevators I got more and more confused, With endless asiles extending who knows how many miles, I got lost in a labyrinth of hangers, Tupperware, and kitchen utensils! AHHHHH! When would the madness end! Maybe the reason the parking lot was so full is because all of the other shoppers were lost in the store! And would be rounded up at the end of the day by Ikea reps so tired from their perilous journey that they would buy whatever was suggested to them! I contemplated leaving without the coffee table, but I was man on a mission and would not be denied the fruits of my quest. So I decided to do the unthinkable! I asked a sales associate how to find the registers.
She told me in a hushed tone, “Go to the end of this asile and turn left, there you will see a man in orange, say nothing to him except the words “tuna fish” and he will lead you out!” Wow Ikea has its very own underground railroad! . So I found the man, said the code words and escaped Ikea, not without my prize of course. At last I was free of this madhouse.
It took me over an hour to escape that store, but should I ever need to go again I can go confident in knowing that I have mastered the perils of Ikea. And if I get lost again then “tuna fish” I just hope they haven’t changed the password.
January 29, 2005
Snow, snow, snow, snow, SNOW!
snow (n.) 1. Frozen precipitation in the form of white or translucent hexagonal ice crystals that fall in soft, white flakes.
Snow! At last, glorious snow has fallen upon the Twin Cities. We got about 7" this week and have frolicked every day in the fluffy white stuff. I'm quite enjoying this Minnesota weather, why, it was -2 outside (and -17 windchill) and I didn't even bat an eye. I loved it! But, apparently, it doesn't love me. I was outside too much, and that cold I had evolved into walking pneumonia. Yup. Cough cough. But in Ten Days I'll be right as rain, or snow, whatever the case may be. And I'll be back in the winter wonderland all these happy Minnesotans get to call home.
January 21, 2005
Dictation from Sarah... taken by Abby. :)
Hi everybody!
It's snowing... lots! Today was baking day. After nine loaves of bread, and two batches of cinnamon rolls, I'm ready for a break.
[(In a small voice) Abby, I'm too boring to write this... (In a booming reply) NO YOU ARE NOT! Okay, so let's continue. Sarah says - Uh, what are we going to talk about? No - don't put that - that's crazy! So delete it. (small giggle) (bigger giggle) (swallow) (big breathing) (whine) Stop it! Abby!
Okay people, this is what REALLY goes on when Abby is typing for Sarah, it's lots of fun! (We're both giggling)]
(Back to our originally scheduled thingymabob.) This is Sarah speaking. I have a scholarship audition coming up in February, but thankfully I have my 20 page Chopin scherzo memorized. Hooray. If only the Beethoven would memorize itself. (pause...... the wheels are turning...)
(This is a new paragraph. Cool huh?) I am really enjoying going through a Bible study by Elizabeth George with a friend from church. (interjection from Abby. SHE JUST CALLED ME A KNUCKLE HEAD. Does my head look like a knuckle? Pout Pout.) I go and practice the organ and then meet with her.
We tried to make this as clear as possible without making it look ambiguous. Feel free to NOT COMMENT if you like. HA HA HA HA. HA.
(The parenthetical inserts were all Abby's. Thank you. -Site Editor)
HA.
January 20, 2005
Test
Testing Testing... will this rebuild the site? Oh, are you sad that I'm not updating?? Well, as a consiliatory prize for no new entry, I'll post a picture. :)
January 16, 2005
The Normies
Ah, the variety show. They say a picture speaks a thousand words, but who are 'they' anyway? Hmmm... more on that later. Well, I don't really know what to say. Shocking isn't it? I guess I'll tell you about the Happy Birthday routine at the end of the 'Normies' (sp?)
At the end of my family singing 'Lord of All' Sarah, Kara, Ang, Carrisa and I rushed downstairs to the 'dressing room' and did a presto-chango act into blue tops and khaki skirts. Up flew our hair into pig tails, and up twirled the curling ribbon. We gathered hats and chairs then danced up the stairs to await the 'curly-q' debut! We weren't sure what Mr. Katterjohn was talking about when he announced the act that sounded the most like food... 'the Corny-Ham's'. But in we went, to cheers and whistles. We summoned Hannah, Amanda, Kate, Adam and Ted to the front and sat them in their special seats. We recited a poem to each of them, then sang Happy Birthday (in four part harmony!) It was absolutely lovely. Here are the poems...
Carrisa:
Hannah’s so sweet, and though she’s petite,
if you see her compete she is quite the athlete.
Kara:
Amanda plays the violin so well, everyone who hears agrees she’s swell. And though she’s mischievous, underneath she’s quite a genius.
Sarah:
Kate seems so shy, we can’t figure out why... Because once you get to know her [Abby interrupted] She can talk the hind leg off a mule!
Ang: (to Adam)
While his mad science is atomic, his taste in clothing is quite economic.
Your hair has no prayer, it’s going with the tide.
But if you had a comb, it might be dignified.
Abby: (to Ted)
When your computer has died you might get outside. But instead of hurdles that throw out your back, just have Adam give you a piggy back.
We know you’re the kind of guy who can only buy from R.E.I.
Because if it was generic, you might get hysteric.
---Happy Birthday to You---
So read on - if you dare!
You dared to read on! Here are a few more pics! :)
January 14, 2005
Abby and Corrie
Ah, what a glorious start of the year we've had! My friend Corrie came to visit from Oklahoma City, and we had a MARVELOUS time together. We shopped, ate M&M's, went to a MN orchestra concert, stayed up too late for anyone who hadn't lost their minds...
My favorite memory was this: We went on a walk on the morning of January 4th, 2005. It was cold, NO, it was frigid. A mass of arctic chill had silenced the song birds so the only sound was the crunch of our boots on the snowy sidewalk. The mercury read somewhere around 3 degrees, and with the wind it felt more like -20. We were dressed warmly, layer upon layer until our normally slender bodies looked more like the pillsbury dough boy. As soon as we stepped outside we experienced a new sensation. It's like instant freeze - your nose becomes solid in an instant. But the shivery feeling that overcame us was soon gone, and we felt invigorated. It was good to be alive! Stamping our boots, we hurried on, determined to make it at least one mile before turning back. When we reached the crest of the hill, an icy wind slammed us in the face and tears sprang to our eyes. We bent our heads down and looked at each other, smiling. But then we realized that our smiles were stiff, and that we couldn't feel our faces! It hadn't been quite a mile, but we turned back; not wanting to become a statistic on the nightly news. When we arrived back at the house, we thawed out over glasses of hot chocolate. What a walk. What a winter! What a fun time.